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* ding* ! Low fuel light on the M5 dashboard.

So I pulled into the local gas station at 11 PM a couple Saturdays ago heavily friend-laden (I was the designated driver that night), and every one of them was tipsy, sloshed, schnockered, hammered...

I get out, slap the nozzle in the car, but quickly realize they only take Debit, plus there's a 45 cent extra charge for using said debit card. WTF?

I sauntered into the gas station and asked the lady behind the counter if they took credit cards. "Nope" she says. "Well," I quipped, "You're now the only gas station in the entire developed world that doesn't take a credit card. Congratu-f$%king-lations."

Fuming from the ripoff scheme they had going, I hopped back in my car to look for another gas station. My friends were still seated, yet were now rowdy and restless because we weren't at a bar drinking heavily. "Shoosh, mutants!" I barked, requiring some semblance of quiet for the intense backing-up maneuver I was about to attempt.

They all quieted down just long enough to hear the horrific "KERPOP!-THUNK!-CRUNCH!-dragdragdrag" sound.

*ding*! low fuel light on in my BRAIN.

I had wrenched the gas nozzle and hose free of its earthly bounds, and was now pulling it along like it was a teeny hijacker. I had seen the internet photos of these gas-station terrors like myself, the ones with people driving down the highway, nozzle still firmly entrenched in their car's naughty parts, and yes I had laughed at them. Heartily. Now it was my turn to be the target of this, and my so-called "friends" burst into what can only be described as a bunch of jackals yelping as they circle their prey.

"Take it home!" One squealed. "Keep driving!" another bellowed in a high whiskey Soprano. "My little sister drives better than you, and she's 9!" Assholes. The lot of them.

Upon inspection, the aforementioned pump assembly wasn't looking too bad. A quick removal and careful-yet-quick-I-hope-the-manager-doesn't-see replacement of the device next to the pump solved the issue of the extra nozzle baggage. well, the manager was oblivious. Other customers weren't, however. I tried to smile at them, with a "oops, my bad" sort of grin. It came out more like a pained baring of fangs or perhaps an angry pirate, and I may have given them the impression that I did it on purpose -that I've done this sort of gas pump anger-management before- and goddamn it, I'll come over there and do it to your pump too if you don't stop looking at me!

My car's fuel filler door lay on the ground, soulfully looking up at me with the "why? What did I ever do to you?" look on its now twisted and bent blue frame. Indeed. What did it ever do to me? Regardless, my car now had the look of Fallujah upon it. War-torn and beaten, I dropped my hammered and still-snickering friends off then sulked home to price the parts on ebay, caressing the poor mangled carcass of what was once my fuel door.

Total price to fix: $100 (new door, hinge, paint) plus $25000 in pride damage.:sad1:
 

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LAME. The worst thing is that in those pictures that you see online, there's always a caption claiming that it's a woman driving!

Are you sure you didnt have a drink or two? :viking:
 

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Hey, I just wondering how you like your AFE Intake and the new shark injector software, those are the first two, and probably only mods that I want to put on my M5. Thanks.
 

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And all this because you didn't want to spend 45 cents on a debit card charge? hmmm ouich:D
 

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That sucks, sorry to hear it. Never heard of such a thing with debit transactions only....you sure that's good gas there? Looks like that scam cost you more than 45 cents. ouich
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Hey, I just wondering how you like your AFE Intake and the new shark injector software, those are the first two, and probably only mods that I want to put on my M5. Thanks.
I absolutely HATE having 27 more horsepower! :1:

No, seriously, look here:

Shark Injector $370
Magnaflows: $600 (installed with x-pipe)
aFe Intakes $600

$1600 for all....cheapest, best mods you can do :byee55amg
 

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i hate being the designated driver with drunk ppl in the car... and i refuse to do it any of my nice cars... only in the beater. drunk passengers are the worst. the mess withthe radio the windows screaming and yelling... theyre just a big of distraction or threat as if the driver was drunk himself.
 

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i hate being the designated driver with drunk ppl in the car... and i refuse to do it any of my nice cars... only in the beater. drunk passengers are the worst. the mess withthe radio the windows screaming and yelling... theyre just a big of distraction or threat as if the driver was drunk himself.
Don't forget!! Vomiting is the worst. The smell stick with the car forever:grinyes:
 

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was it an ARCO? They suck when it comes to that. Sorry to hear about the beast. Hey, at least you didn't rip it off completely and drag it around like the picture. HAHA. Thanks for sharing!!
 

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We should all start sharing stories.

Last night, Matt, Danner, and myself all decided to go out. Matt had hooked up with a girl earlier and she worked at this one particular bar, and she invited us, and said she had some very attractive friends too. We bit the lure, of course.

We arrive and walk up to the VIP door, as the girl was supposed to have put our names on the list. "Matthew, James, and Dan... nope, you boys aren't on the list, I'm sorry, you'll have to go to the regular entrance." Not a big deal, there was no line-up.

We get to the bouncer at the front and present our IDs... "Sorry, 25 over only."

Me: "I'm sorry, what?"
Bouncer: "25 and over only."
Me: *pointing to a girl entering the bar* "That girl doesn't even look like she's hit puberty, how come she gets to go in?"
Bouncer: "It's 25 and older for males, and 18 and older for females."
Me: "Oh, so this is a bar for gold-diggers and dudes who can't find a chick their own age?"

The bouncer is not amused. We leave and start driving to another bar, while Matt is furiously dialling the girl he hooked up with, in hopes of not getting shafted by her tonight. Danner is in the front seat, and he's the only one who has been drinking... and he pregames with the best of them.

We drive past a couple very fine looking girls on the sidewalk, and I can see Dan looking for the window controls.

Me: "Man, leave those people alone."
Dan: "Those are some big dudes with them too." *finally gets the window down* "TIGHT BUMS!"
Matt: "Nice!"
Dan: "Haha, they looked right away."
Me: "That was genius." *laughing*
Dan: "If I whistled, they wouldn't have heard me. I yell tight bums, and the girls immediately know I'm talking to them. The guys didn't even flinch."

We ended up at another bar, where Matt and I bought a number of shots and made Dan drink them all, telling the shooter girls that it was Dan's birthday. Neither Matt nor myself drank ANY alcohol. We then watched Dan walk into the middle of random groups of girls dancing, and try to dance with them. They all looked at him like he was a leper, and he quickly stopped.

Matt finally got a phone call from his girl, and we got into the first bar we had originally tried to enter. Dan was still drinking shots, mostly tequila. He proceeded to flirt with some incredibly large women (Dan is a broomstick), and make fun of some thugs wearing 'bling'. I noticed one guy was wearing a belt with a BMW logo as a buckle and tried my damnedest not to make fun of a fellow BMW owner, even if he is one of those tools that uses his vehicle to get laid.

The bar closes and we get back to my apartment, where Matt had parked his car. Somehow we're all talking and Matt's girl mentions that she has her nipples pierced. Dan wants to see.

Dan: "Let's see 'em, I don't believe you."
Girl: "You'll have to do something first."
Dan: "Okay what?"
Girl: "Strip down and run five laps around the parking garage."
Dan: "...." *begins removing clothing*
Girl: "No shoes, either."
Dan: "But there's rocks!"
Girl: "No shoes."

Dan is now completely naked and is jogging around our +6 degrees Celsius parking garage. It is 3 am. Matt and I are laughing so hard that we can barely stand up, and the girl is pointing and laughing.

Dan does a naked cartwheel and comes back.

Dan: "Alright, now let's see."
Girl: "That wasn't a full five laps."
Dan: "Yeah right, now let's see."

The girl pulls her shirt down, Dan gets his eyeful (and they weren't half bad, either) and Matt and I decide that Danner's new nickname is now "Naked Dan".

End.
 

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You made up the BMW belt bit just to try to fit it into a BMW forum, ya bastard!
 

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You made up the BMW belt bit just to try to fit it into a BMW forum, ya bastard!
I sh*t you not, mon frere.

I've seen BMW belt buckles before at various mall kiosks, but this guy actually showed it to me... it was an actual BMW roundel off a hood, and he punched holes into a belt so it'd work as a buckle.

Who does that, seriously? I was totally right, that place is perfect for gold-diggers.
 

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This is by far and without a shadow of doubt the worst thread ever in the E39 section.

Which suffers grave competition .
 

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There was a guy that pulled away and took the hose with him. He tried to re-attach it where it came off and the hose started whipping around spewing out gas all over him till the attendant hit the shutoff button. The guy was so embarrassed he tried to drive off but the attendant stopped him to fill out an accident report. I don't know how he could've gotten the gas smell out of his car.
 

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was it an ARCO? They suck when it comes to that. Sorry to hear about the beast. Hey, at least you didn't rip it off completely and drag it around like the picture. HAHA. Thanks for sharing!!
ARCO in a M5??? :1zhelp: That's just wrong...:nono:
 
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