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584 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
if this has been on here before, my apologies...

Bentley Forums
- - - I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?

Camaro/Firebird Forums
- - - My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I have a record and I ain't going back.

Mustang (Chevelle) forums
- - -Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.

Monte Carlo forums
- - -Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain't stolen yo.

Civic forums
- - -Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.

VW Bug forum
- - - The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics)

Yugo Forum
- - - When's the last time yours ran?

Lamborghini forum
- - - Wind noise around 210MPH

Miata forums
- - - Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics)

Chevy Tahoe forum
- - -Miata stuck in my undercarriage. How do I safely remove it? (pics)

Pontiac Fiero forum
- - - Just bought a new flame retardant suit (pics)

BMW 7-series forum
- - - Where to get service on my Rolex?

Cadillac forum
- - - Problems parallel parking at bingo.

Chevy Suburban Forum
- - - Is the price of gas going down anytime soon?

Buick Forum
- - - Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me?

Delorean forum
- - - Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I'm from 1985.

Crown Victoria forum
- - - How come people never pass me on the highway?

Honda Accord forum
- - - Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.

Toyota Echo forum
- - - Do our cars use AAA or AA's?

Ferrari forums
- - - Need suggestions about a business trip to Colombia. Want to get in and out fast.

Porsche forums
- - - Tire just went flat. Is it best to trade or sell the car myself?

Saturn forums
- - - Roman candle landed on my fender. Melted and need to replace.

Jaguar forum
- - - Is the carbon fiber dash kit group-buy still on?

Mercedes forum
- - - My wife and her stink hole lawyer are trying to ruin me in divorce court. How do I get them both killed and not get in trouble with my medical board?

Mini forum
- - - Just flipped the Cooper after seeing The Italian Job. Suing the movie company. (pics)

Dodge Viper forum
- - - I frightened myself on the way home from work yesterday. How to get pee stains out of the leather?

McLaren F1 forum
- - -Some punk kid in an F16 tried to race me.

Dodge Minivan forum
- - - Where's the best place to post the soccer schedule so I don't forget where I'm supposed to be?

Hummer forum
- - - Had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do I have to get the black touch-up paint from the dealer? He's 25 miles away. That's $35 in gas.

Fiat forum
- - -Hello? Am I the only member?

Subaru WRX forum
- - - I hate cops. Got ticketed for drifting in the Walmart parking lot.

Chevy pickup forum
- - - How do I git the dried tobacco juice stains off the side of mah truck?

SRT Forums
"Will this void my warranty"

RX7 Forums
- - - 13B Groupbuy full, stop PM'ing me.

DSM Forums
- - -Transmission Groupbuy Full stop PM'ing me

Supra Forums
- - -Head to big to fit in car, should have bought a Targa.

Vette Forums
- - -Why did I pay $50k for something with a Cavalier steering wheel?

Ford 2.3 forums
- - -Help! Replaced everything, still doesn't start!
 

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400 Posts
Answers:

bently forum:

Another victim, bently ashtrays are not replaceable, you need a new bently

Camarro/Firebird forum.

Tell your wife that your brothers prize coonhound is under the trailer and it takes three to get him out, but you have to get to work. Loosen the blocks under the trailer and when she calls the other two for help, well, let nature take its course.

Mustang/Chevelle forum:

Remind the mustang owner that punk kid just bought his Civic

Monte Carlo forum:

tell him he's a liar, every cop knows there is no such thing as a Monte Carlo that isnt stolen, yo.

Civic forum:

Tell him one day, he too, will own a new Mustang

VW Bug forum:

Tell them its too late for them to worry about saving the earth with all them old VW bugs in the junk yard taking up valuable real estate. They can't wipe their consiences clear that easily.

Yugo forum:

Tell him he wouldnt have this problem or the SPCA on his butt if he would have remembered to feed the squirrel.

Lambroghini forum:

Tell the fool to roll up his windows , the women cant hear his wolf whistles anyway.

Miata forum:

Suggest a lowering kit.

Tahoe forum:

Tell him to get a small Japanese guy with a Leatherman Wave to remove it. Then suggest a riser kit.

Pontiac fiero forum:

Find a Ford Pinto for him

BMW 7 Series:

Suggest he buy a mans watch, Patek Phillipe.

Cadillac forum:

Sell this person the Fiero

Suburban forum:

Throw a pig in the air, take a picture of it flying and then laugh at him

Buick forum:

Offer a membership in AARP, they have all those answers

Delorean forum:

Set out two lines of blow for him, sympathise with him, and tell him to get a real car, one with paint.

Crown Victoria:

Tell him to cure his problem he needs some white wall tires.

Honda forum:

Just bitchslap him

Toyota Echo forum:

He must be lonely being the only one on the forum, just say hi, he will be happy.

Ferrari forum:

He has enough money, make him understand if you have a Ferrari you do not go to Columbia yourself, you send someone you woud not miss too much.

Porsche forum:

Tell him to go to M5board.com and sell privately. They know how to change a tire on that forum.

Saturn forum:

Direct him to NASA, they have all the answers.

Jaguar forum:

Give him a map to Sherwood forest, and tell the dumbass what trees are for in England, dashboards, since bows and arrows are probably illegal there.

Mercedes forum:

Give her all the lawyer asks for. he may marry her then , and thats better revenge than a quick death.

Mini Forum:

Tell him its his fault, we all know Mini's dont flip at any corner speed, the movie is proof of that.

Dodge Viper forum:

Tell him it's not the drive home , its the 4 beers before the drive home that did him in. P.S. he should know its probably mexican leather and its been tanned in donkey pee anyway, he should look at it more as leather treatment and not worry too much about it.

F1 forum:

Let him know there is always someone faster and he could have taken him in the twistes, that should console him.

Dodge minivan forum:

Above the washing machine since she spends lots of time there washing the uniforms.

Hummer forum:

This is a trick question. Probably posted by a Border Patrol agent that was chasing down a van loaded with illegals. The giveaway was the black paint. DO NOT answer this post.

Fiat forum:

Apparently not since someone posted this on here.

Subaru WRX forum:

Thats right, K-mart went upscale and now your having trouble with your new course. YOu can blame the current economic times for this. More people reduced to shopping at wallmart, so traffic cops are everywhere. It's called urbanization, get used to it.

Chevy pickup truck forum:

tell him to get a roll of duck tape, put it over the stain, and rip it off. Stains come with it. Beer stains between drivers legs in front seat are a bit more difficult to remove, best not to use a beer can to keep your balls cool in the summer.

SRT forum:

Nope , that wont void warranty any more than the 40 psi boost limit you installed last year.

RX7 & DSM forums:

This is a scam, group buys are never full. It just goes against the principal of making money. Who turns customers away?

Supra forums:

All supra drivers have big heads. You can manage as well as they can.

Vette forums:

Same reason you bought a car that decides when it is going to run all 8 cylinders or not, your cheap.

Ford 2.3 forums:

Well you silly crackhead, you have to replace everything 2.3 times before it all works. Do your research before you buy a car.
 

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BMW forums:

Your joking right?

OK maybe your a new owner and you havent heard what we all do. It's like this. Once we get a new Bimmer, we go out and buy a brand spanking new set of Goodyear tires. This is ALWAYS done during football season.

The only way to do this is with a group buy. We get a bunch of BMW owners together and then we use numbers to make our deal. There's much more negotiating power when your a larger group.

Once we have Goodyear on the hook, we reel them in. They are fairly salivating at getting their rubber on our cars. Then we hit them with the last stipulation to seal the deal.

Our final stipulation is that they MUST display all our names , and state that we own BMW's on their Goodyear Blimp on a Monday night football game, and it must be done when the blimp is on TV. Bonus for Goodyear if its a Broncos/Raiders or Packers/Vikings game.

Presto, the rest of the world that matters knows we own and drive BMW's.

For those in more northerly climates, success has been had with sereptitiously tossing a hockey puck into the rink that is made to resemble a Roundel. This works best during face off, as the doing of this will most likely get you an official escort out of the rink, but not before everyone knows why you are being tossed out, and the assumption is that you dive a BMW. The down side to this is that they will also think you might not shine as brightly as the northern lights when you think these schemes up. On the other hand, its hockey, they may think your a freaking genius.

These beat the old method of skywriting by a wide margin (greater masses exposed to your message), not to mention that more than a few pilots met a bittersweet end attempting to duplicate that beautiful roundel with a plane that could not handle the G'loads imposed by the M and W.

Thanks Mrs. Struth

Bayerischemotor:

hiha hiha I'm having a really great month, so I sat down this afternoon and relaxed thinking these up. A fun respite in an otherwise hectic time.


Roy,

Hope this answers your question.
 
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