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Good Evening,

In response to the overwhelming number of new users on this board, some of the senior members (well, 1 anyway) have decided to pro-actively write a second "Read Me First" post for new users. It seems that the first one, "stickied" at the top of the forum, is apparently too difficult to find.

Please remember, you MUST respond to this post before you will be allowed to start any new threads. Feel free to respond now so you don't forget.

Good work! :applause: You now have 1 post and are an official member :cheers:

So what do you need to know about M5Board.Com?

1. Search is your friend. I know, "New Thread" is right there and it is sooo tempting. But search first instead. Trust me on this.

2. WRITING IN ALL CAPS IS CONSIDERED YELLING. So don't. If you accidentally do so, please take the time to push the backspace key and type it again normally. This is standard internet protocol, but worth repeating.

3. Spelling and grammar errors are normal. Everyone makes them. And some of us even take the time to correct them. "Why?", you might ask? Because it makes it easier for other readers to understand your question / response. And though it may not seem like it, this is in everyone's best interest. You get more relevant feedback, and the rest of us don't have to decipher your gibberish. Lastly, English is a 2nd language for many of our members; let's not make them translate lousy English to proper English in addition to translating it to their first tongue! Note that I'm not refering to the infrequent typo here or there, but rather posts that are rampant with poor grammar.

4. No matter what problem you have, I guarantee someone else had it first. Heck, 20 people have probably had it. Even the newest of these cars are pushing 5 years old now, and this is, bar none, the greatest respository of M5 knowledge on the planet (short of the minds of some of our senior members). So do us all a favor and use the Search button.

4A. Of course, you already know how to search, right? I mean, how hard can it be? The answer is "Very". Thankfully, another member of the club wrote a tutorial. I've been around since Al Gore invented in the internet, and I STILL learned a couple things when I read it the other day, so humor me for another 5 minutes and head on over and check it out (just hold the control key while clicking that link - we'll wait for you to come back...)

5. If you are thinking about posting a thread about which oil to use, which oil not to use, which oils are BMW certified, which oils are the "best", which are the "worst", or anything that generally involves oil, DON'T. Instead, use the Search button. In case you haven't noticed it yet, it is in the top right corner of your screen.



6. If you must post an oil related question, be prepared for the following responses:
  • "Use the search button"
  • "Not another damn oil thread"
  • You must use BMW TWS or your car will explode
  • You must use BMW 5W30 or your car will explode
  • Mobil1 / Castrol / <INSERT your favorite brand here>is the best
  • BMW only changed from TWS to 5W30 because it is cheaper
  • Use whatever you want, run a Used Oil Analysis (UOA) and modify according to the results
Every beast is different, so that last response is really the only useful one. Don't get me wrong - we all have opinions and we're more than happy to share them with you, but only You drive Your beast, so only You can make the decision. Remember: Opinions are like buttholes - everyone has one and they all stink.

7. Don't use SMS or texting shorthand. ys, IK u cn save heaps of tym by UzN abbrs, bt thyre hrd 4t rest of us 2 read - SO dnt. Irritating, isn't it? ps. that says: "Yes, I know you can save a lot of time by using abbreviations, but they are hard for the rest of us to read - so don't!

8. If you still insist on using abbreviations don't be surprised if a lot of us choose to ignore you. Seriously. At best we will give you a hard time about your crappy spelling.

9. Many members, myself included, post our modifications or improvements to the Beast. As contrary as this may seem, unless we specifically ask for feedback, we don't care if you like it. So please, before you hit send on that post telling us how much you don't like it, just close the window and move on.

10. You can subscribe to a post without posting "Subscribe" in a useless response. Simply click on "Thead Tools" (it is up there next to the Search button - you found the search button, right?), and then select "Subscribe". This Gustav guy thinks of everything!!

11. Last, and by no means least: This is a forum of adults. Rudeness has no place. There is a real live human on the end of each and every post. Be respectful and you will be respected. Act like an infant and you will be treated like one. And please remember, there are active members on this board with 2K+, 3K+, even 5K+ posts. They didn't get that many posts by being wrong a whole bunch of times. Respect their wisdom and take an appropriate tone in your responses; you may very well be right in your argument, but alienating a senior member of the board due to a poorly phrased response is not in your best interest. You will find that the active membership, which you will be welcomed into, all know each other quite well...

Again, I welcome you to the board, and remind you that if you have not yet posted a response to this unauthorized FAQ you should do so now -- otherwise it won't be sitting at the top of the page waiting for the next new member :)

Oh, one last thing: After you achieve approximately 2000 posts you will be welcomed into an exclusive group. Consisting primarily of grumpy old folks - in M5 experience, not physical years - who have little tolerance for questions that have been asked (and answered!) 1000 times already and even less tolerance for spelling errors and name calling, this group has been dubbed (just now, by me) the "Coalition Against Newbies Idiotic Theories", or "CAN IT". We can't help that we're grumpy, and sometimes we let out our frustration through posts like this. Thanks for taking the time to read it, and enjoy the board :cheers:

Doug
👍🏼
 

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Hello,

Planning on picking up my E39 in the next few months. Been lusting after one of these for the past few years. Finally ready to pull the trigger.
 

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Not really my first post but it’s been so long, didn’t recognize my email so I used another email to sign up again. My poor beast has been sitting for the last 2 years and finally got it out and replaced the dry rotted tires (got Michelin AS/3 Plus). Only 30K miles, excited to start driving it again.
 

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OK, got it Doug. I'm seriously looking at an 02 with Dinan S2 and this looks like a pretty good place to use a search button. Thanks for allowing me in!

Rusty
 

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All read an understood.

Newest memeber to the M5 family. Picked up an 03 Carbon black the other day and am stoked to have it.
 
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