A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband: "Does she realise that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked"Yes," the blonde answered," and had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, It's a Ferrari..."
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A cop sees a car weaving so he pulls it over. He walks up and sees it's a blonde behind the wheel. When he bends down, he smells booze on her breath.
He says, "I'm going to give you a Breathalyzer test to see if you're under the influence of alcohol."
She blows up the balloon, then he walks it back to the police car.
He comes back to her car and says, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones."
She says, "You mean it shows that, too?"
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A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!".
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!"
The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I have learned to speak 'blonde'."
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without hesitation, she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."
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A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed.
The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend".
The blonde said, "No! A bet's a bet".
So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money".
The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
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An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of. The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky 20 pounds. She then phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice that produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I'm now 300 miles away?"
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