Kids, cars, school & money (long)- your opinions! - Page 5 - The Unofficial BMW M5 Messageboard (m5board.com)

Andrew2.8L · 13th May 2002, 07:19

Excellent discussion this has turned out to be.

Dan, I definitely hear what you are saying. Sometimes it takes us some time to figure out what we really want, but the experiences along the way often teach us the most valuable lessons. I could look at the last four years as both ups and downs, but even during the "down" times I still learned from my experiences. So to me it has all been worth it. If I could go back I would definitely change just about everything, but hey thats just not going to happen.

BTW I am very Pro-Econ. That is a great field. I only wish more people believed in those principles (I equate them to scientific laws). Dont even get me started on the flat tax. Corporate tax structure is just rediculous...

Andrew

cohenfive · 13th May 2002, 16:32

what an awesome topic and set of responses!! you've really gotten me thinking, although as a parent of three children (14, 12 and 7) my wife and i are constantly battling just these issues.

for us (and i think for most parents) the difficulty is providing your children with the best tools that will enable them to live their lives in a meaningful and satisfied (happy) way. we all come from different backgrounds with different experiences but i think we all try to do the same for our kids.

education is one part of the equation where we will do whatever it takes for our children. we won't scrimp or try to get our kids to go to a public school if we feel their experience will be better at a private one, there's nothing more important that we can provide.

the issue of cars, however, does bring up the question of instilling 'proper' values. this is a tough one with no right or wrong answers. our oldest daughter, who just bought her own horse (we pay the monthly cost but she paid the upfront) from money earned working, will be getting her learner's permit next year. she's pretty bummed that it looks like she'll be driving our beat up minivan most of the time rather than a nice jetta or the like. it's especially tough for her when she sees me climb into the m5 every day, but she understands i've worked hard over the years to provide for her (and the rest of the family) and i'm lucky enough to have some left over for some luxuries. we're just not going to be buying her a car, we don't think that instills in her what we want her to believe in.

is that the right way to be, i have no idea, but it's our way.

richard cohen

bobafett · 13th May 2002, 16:50

Richard: it's nice to see a post from the "other side."

You're right about the education part (god, talking about parenting and then going to Barnes & Noble looking in the baby section for my mother (neonatologist, so she works with and loves babies in general)) - this is a scary thing for a 20 year old

I'm supposed to be 10 years away from this stuff. But I agree completely, my parents went through the same thing, starting with nothing and sacrificing everything for my education as well as my sister's. Schools are expensive, but they felt it was the absolute priority and re-arranged their lives accordingly. Luckily they've had their successes and it doesn't represent a financial burden but they've been there and those were the choices made. I only wish I had appreciated that earlier on in life.

I don't know anything about equestirans or their horses, but I'd imagine that could not have been cheap by any measure. I think it was a very responsible move and I'd like to hear how it goes later on.

For the minivan, cmon, that's the uber-chic thing to drive these days. Carry ALL your friends and keep room for nefarious activities? Oh yeah.

(whoops, I think he'll be a bit more worried now and sell the van for a single-seater sparrow

).

I think you've managed to show that there IS a disassociatoin from money that is to be made, and it's really just a matter of how different parents do that.

--Dan (who is feeling old right now)

pdiack · 13th May 2002, 16:59

It's interesting that bobafett and Andrew both took a sabatical so-to-speak and got refocused/re-aligned on college. I experienced this as well. I initially went to college because it's what everyone else did - I really had no clue what I wanted - no focus. However; in my sophomore year I got a co-op job with IBM (worked a semester/ went to school a semester) and was fortunate enough to be exposed to what life was like for a VP at a large corporate environment (I was his gopher for better or worse). At that point, my focus sharpened - I changed majors (finance - figuring learning to manipulate money would be a very valuable asset) and got a 4.0 from there on. In fact, I got quite restless and if not for my mom's prodding - I wouldn't have finished college - I wanted to get started NOW! Anyway, as I wanted I started a biz while in college and have never looked back (I'm on my 4th now).

The real question - I guess for this topic is HOW do you instill drive/passion for learning/achieving in a child so when you send them to a great college they understand it's purpose and use it wisely?? Any ideas?

cohenfive · 13th May 2002, 17:06

dan, the issue with the minivan is that it's too easy to take the back seats out!!! heck, it's too easy to take the back two rows of seats out!! maybe we SHOULD get her a jetta....

as for the horse, this is her passion and we've decided it's important to support her in this. owning and taking care of a horse is a tremendous commitment of time and effort and we are very happy to see her take the responsibility. she also wants to be a vet and this experience is obviously very helpful. hopefully the local vets who she's trying to land a volunteer summer job with see it the same way.

bobafett · 13th May 2002, 17:16

pdiack: I'm the same way. Got into business before college, and you know what, it's my parents who are pushing me to keep it going. Every quarter I keep thinking (damn, I could be up at 5am for the New York deals! but no, blasted midterm precludes that one).

For me it was the thrill of the deal. Realizing that education is an integral part of this, it had to be done, and you had better learn to enjoy it (there are times when I wish I could lock myself in a library and ponder everything from Socrates and Plato, to Milton and Blake, to current philosophers, politicians, and even brilliant writers like LeCarre).

But how to instill such values beforehand? I don't know. Because it's the only reference I have, I'll use my sister. She has no concept of money, never had, never will. Lives in her own little world, dances and acts and sings and blah blah blah. She does maintain a stupidly high GPA (i had to check, lowest ever has been a 4.02 back in 5th grade or something - 11th now) and that who she is.

In talking to my father, it seems as if she developed her own motivational methods (which I later found written in a book by Napoleon Hill called "Think and Grow Rich" (a must-read for anyone ni business. sounds cheesy but it isn't)) at an early age and just stuck with them (daily lists, overall goes, motivational blurbs, etc).

I for one, am lost at understanding how you teach those skills to a child.

Richard: hah, problem solved with the van!

Nice one.

I think the equestion/vet idea is great. I wonder how much of her learning in one she can apply to the other. I'd imagine it would be very cool for her if after the summer she could "diagnose" health related issues with her own horse.

--Dan

cohenfive · 13th May 2002, 17:17

pdiack,

gosh, if i had the answer to that last question i'd have less grey hair!!! to philosophize for a minute, our (my wife and i) view is that there is only so much that parents can do to instill the sense of desire to succeed in their children. we try to set good examples and boundaries of behavior, but at some level kids have to 'feel' the need to succeed and will need to make some mistakes along the way. the important thing is to be supportive in this process and hope they don't make any material errors, but parents can't shelter them from the world.

pdiack · 13th May 2002, 17:48

bobafett and cohenfive - I know I asked the impossible question - just curious on others thoughts - it is really interesting to me to try and figure out people motivations (or lack of motivations) and where they come from.

BTW - I just ordered the "think and grow rich" book - actually based on a recommendation from a book "Rich Dad, Poor Dad".

cohenfive - sounds like you are raising a wonderful daugther - good luck with the equestrian activities! And, yeah, the Jetta may be a great idea!! Kids can be quite resourceful...

bobafett · 13th May 2002, 18:32

Well I'm in no position to answer the question, being under some parental influence myself.

Quick note about the book: one of the more interesting aspects of the book is the history / reason behind why Napoleon Hill wrote it. Very cool to read.

--Dan

Adam · 13th May 2002, 19:09

Coming from a public school in England, I think i could put my proverbial 2 cents in..

My parents have put a lot of money into my eductaion to put me (and my brother and sister) in good sted for the future. It doesnt effect our way of living just limits what we can buy for non essential amenities i.e exotic cars etc..

About young people getting money..well IMHO its not how much money a young person such as myself gets from their parents its what they do with it..buying designer clothes etc is fine..drugs etc aint..as long as we(young uns) dont be stupid with money etc we should grow up valueing it just as much as the next person.

Great thread Fang

all the best
Adam