Some jokes.

[JetBoy]

Hope you would like them


An engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon the engineer gets dissatisfied with
the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while they've
got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in
hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and
escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gone down
there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm
keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and
answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"


----------------------------

In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted with a huge, mean bear. In all his fears, his attempt to
shoot the bear was unsuccessful. He turned away and started to run as fast as he could. Finally, he ended up at the edge of a very
steep cliff. His hopes were dim. But, he got on his knees, opened his arms and said,

"My God! Please give this bear some religion!"

Then, there was a lightning in the air and the bear stopped just a feet short of the hunter. The bear was puzzled and looked up in the
air and said, "My God! Thank you for the food I am about to receive... "

[Andy G]

like it, like it.......

[tfung]

ROTFLMAO!!!!

I've seen the second joke before but in a different version:

A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he and a bear collided, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. Before he knew it, his rifle went one way and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs. That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, and he couldn't move. "Oh, Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish...please make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me. Please, Lord!"

That very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud right at the preacher's feet. "Dear God, bless this food I am about to receive...."

[mikek]

LMAO

[polvoronn]

HAHA! That first one is good!

[msc3]

THE "TWO COW" EXPLANATION OF WHAT MAKES...

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows.
You keep one and
give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows.
The government takes one and
gives it to your neighbor.

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being
successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows,
forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take the tax money and
buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST:
You have two cows.
The government seizes both
and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST:
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and sells you the milk.
You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to
sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only
one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks
the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk
down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike
because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon
and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years,
eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
They are mad.
They die.
Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which
belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You enter into a partnership with an American
corporation.
Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation
declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest
the newsman who reported on them

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION:
There are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and
then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard
to become doctors. So, who needs people?

Now pass the A-1!